Conflict in the workplace is inevitable.
Whether it is a disagreement with a colleague, a misunderstanding with your manager, or a clash of ideas in a team meeting, conflict is something we all face.
For many, the thought of navigating conflict brings discomfort, uneasiness and anxiety. It is easy to avoid conflict, hoping it will resolve itself, but this often leads to more problems and strained relationships.
The more you grow in seniority and responsibility, your ability to handle and communicate through conflict becomes even more crucial to your success.
Imagine walking into a meeting, and tensions are already high. You have a point to make, but you fear it might escalate the conflict. Or perhaps you are dealing with a difficult boss who seems to dismiss your ideas outright, leaving you frustrated and demoralized. These situations are all too common, and without the right tools, they can severely impact your performance and progression.
Many of us have been conditioned to see conflict as a negative force. We have been taught to keep the peace, to avoid rocking the boat, and to suppress our true feelings for the sake of harmony. However, this approach often leads to resentment and unspoken tensions that only make matters worse.
Peak performers recognize that conflict, when handled correctly, can be a catalyst for growth, innovation, and stronger relationships.
One of the most significant pain points when it comes to conflict is the fear of confrontation. The anxiety of potentially damaging a relationship or being seen as aggressive can paralyze you into inaction. Instead, you must learn to embrace conflict as an opportunity for dialogue and mutually-beneficial outcomes.
βWhen I coach my clients on conflict management, the most important skill they learn to integrate is empathy. It may sound counter intuitive, but is actually essential to minimize resistance and defensiveness from the other person, while maximizing chances for effective resolution.
"Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.β - Ronald Reagan
Learning how to communicate through conflict involves thoughtful, intentional strategy that fuels trust and collaboration instead of friction and confrontation.
Here's how.
Key mistakes when communicating through conflict
Conflict is not your enemy. How you choose to respond to conflict makes all the difference.
Even the most seasoned professionals can fall into common traps that exacerbate the situation rather than resolve it. That said, here are 5 mistakes to keep in mind:
β Avoidance: This is easily the most common mistake. People often hope the conflict will resolve itself if they ignore it. However, avoidance leads to more issues, misunderstandings, and increased tension over time. It can also damage relationships and erode trust.
Pro tip: There are 3 ways to assess if you should address a conflict directly. The first is if it is with someone you work directly with on a daily basis (i.e. a direct team member). The second is if the conflict is negatively affecting the perception others have of you and risks damaging your reputation. The third is if the same conflict reoccurs, leading to continued frustration, inefficiencies and anxiety.
β Aggression: On the opposite end of the spectrum is aggression. Some individuals confront conflict with hostility, aiming to dominate the conversation and "win" the argument. This approach can escalate the conflict, create defensiveness, and damage professional relationships, making matters worse for everyone.
β Blame: When emotions run high, it is easy to point fingers and assign fault. This approach not only intensifies the conflict but also hinders problem-solving and resolution, as it shifts focus away from finding a solution. It can also lead to more new conflict as relationships become strained and lack trust.
β Defensiveness: Becoming defensive during a conflict is a natural response, but it can be counterproductive. When you defend your actions or positions without considering the other person's perspective or dismissing their viewpoint altogether, you close off communication and miss the opportunity for mutual understanding and resolution.
β Lack of preparation: Entering a conflict situation unprepared is a significant mistake. Without understanding the key issues, potential solutions, and the perspectives of all parties involved, you risk escalating the conflict and failing to reach a constructive outcome.
Pro tip: When emotions run high, do not address conflict in the heat of the moment. Otherwise, you will likely say things you regret that will add more fuel to the fire. A solid rule of thumb is to take 24 hours to cool off and return to the conversation calm, composed and with your thoughts well gathered.
[Check out my free LinkedIn Learning course on Nano Tips for Handling Difficult Work Situations].
3 strategies on how to communicate through conflict
1/ Practice active listening
Active listening is an essential skill in effective communication, especially during conflicts. It involves fully engaging with the speaker, understanding their message, and responding thoughtfully.
Unlike passive listening, where you might merely hear the words, active listening requires a conscious effort to understand the emotions and intentions behind those words. This level of engagement demonstrates respect and empathy, which are crucial for de-escalating tensions and finding common ground.
In conflict-oriented situations, the tendency to interrupt or formulate a rebuttal while the other person is speaking is strong. However, this approach can exacerbate misunderstandings and heighten tensions.
By practicing active listening, peak performers create a safe space for open dialogue, where all parties feel heard and valued. This not only helps in resolving the immediate conflict but also strengthens relationships in the long run too.
Active listening requires patience, openness, and a genuine desire to understand the other personβs perspective. When you listen actively, you are more equipped to move beyond your own biases and assumptions, paving the way for more meaningful and productive conversations.
Here are 5 action steps to implement active listening in conflict-oriented situations:
β Maintain eye contact: Compared to looking distracted or disinterested, eye contact is an essential non-verbal cue that signals your attentiveness and respect for the other person's perspective. It also helps to build connection and encourages the other person to share with you more openly.
β Avoid interrupting: Let the other person finish their thoughts without interruptions. As tempting as it might be to cut in, waiting your turn demonstrates respect and allows you to fully understand their point of view before formulating your response. Interrupting can lead to frustration and may derail the conversation.
β Reflect and clarify: Paraphrase what the other person has said to confirm your understanding. Use phrases like, "What I hear you saying is..." or "So you are feeling that..." or "If I understand well...". This technique ensures clarity and shows that you are actively processing their message, which can help to resolve misunderstandings early on versus assuming what they mean.
β Ask open-ended questions: Encourage deeper conversation by asking questions that begin with "how," "what," or "why" as they invite the other person to elaborate on their thoughts and feelings. For example, "What makes you say that?" or "How can I support you better in that?"...This helps to explore the issue more comprehensively and shows that you are genuinely interested in their perspective.
β Acknowledge emotions: Recognize and validate the other person's emotions. Saying things like, "I understand that you are feeling frustrated" or "I can certainly appreciate where you are coming from on that" can help to diffuse negative emotions and show empathy, ultimately paving the way for more constructive dialogue.
2/ Use assertive communication
Assertive communication is a balanced and respectful way of expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs. It stands between passive communication, where you might avoid confrontation and suppress your views, and aggressive communication, where you might push your ideas forcefully without considering others enough.
Peak performers know that assertiveness allows them to advocate for themselves, while respecting the opinions of others, leading to a more collaborative and constructive dialogue.
In conflicts, assertive communication helps to clarify misunderstandings, reduce tension, and find mutually beneficial solutions. It involves being honest about your own needs and feelings while remaining open to the perspectives of others. This approach not only addresses the issue at hand but also builds trust and respect among colleagues, making future interactions smoother and more productive.
That said, many struggle with assertiveness because they fear being perceived as confrontational or worry about damaging relationships.
However, when done correctly, assertive communication enhances relationships by creating a foundation of mutual respect and understanding.
Here are 5 practical steps to communicate assertively when dealing with conflict:
β Use "I" statements: Frame your thoughts and feelings using "I" statements, such as "I believe..." or "I need...". This approach focuses on your experience rather than placing blame on the other person. For example, say, "I feel concerned when deadlines are missed," instead of "You never meet deadlines."
β Be specific: Clearly articulate your concerns and needs with specific examples. Instead of saying, "You always ignore my ideas," try, "I noticed that my suggestions in the last meeting were not discussed." Specificity helps to pinpoint the issue without generalizing, which can prevent defensiveness.
β Maintain a calm tone: Avoid raising your voice, which can escalate the conflict and make the other party defensive. A calm tone helps to convey your message more effectively and creates a safe space for dialogue. It will also keep their emotions at bay so that you can have a more intentional conversation.
β Respect boundaries: Acknowledge and respect the other person's boundaries and viewpoints. This shows that you value their perspective and are willing to find a middle ground. For example, say, "I understand that you have a different opinion, and I would like to discuss how we can find a solution that works for both of us."
β Stay focused on the issue: Address the specific issue at hand without bringing up unrelated grievances. This keeps the conversation productive and solution-oriented. If the conflict is about a missed deadline, focus on that rather than bringing up past mistakes or unrelated issues. If the other person does this towards you, do not be shy in redirecting the conversation back to the conflict at hand.
3/ Find common ground
Finding common ground is a powerful strategy for resolving conflicts and fostering collaboration. It involves identifying shared interests, goals, or values that both parties can agree on, which can serve as a foundation for building win-win solutions.
This approach shifts the focus from opposing positions (i.e. "me" versus "you") towards areas of agreement (i.e. "us" versus "the problem"), making it easier to navigate differences and work towards a common objective.
When dealing with conflict, it is easy to become entrenched in our own viewpoints, viewing the other person as an adversary. However, this mindset can create a barrier to effective communication and resolution.
Finding common ground requires a willingness to understand the other person's perspective. It is about looking beyond the immediate conflict to see the bigger picture and recognizing that, ultimately, we are all working towards similar goals.
Here are 5 actions to find common ground during conflict:
β Identify shared goals: Start by discussing the underlying goals and interests that both parties share. For instance, in a project dispute, you might both agree that the ultimate goal is to deliver a successful outcome for the client. Highlighting these shared objectives can create a better sense of unity.
β Use inclusive language: Use language that emphasizes collaboration and shared purpose. Phrases like "we both want," "our common goal," and "together we can" reinforce the idea that you are working as a team rather than as opponents. This can help to shift the dynamic from conflict to cooperation.
β Brainstorm solutions together: Invite the other person to brainstorm potential solutions with you. This collaborative approach encourages open dialogue and ensures that both perspectives are considered. If they are resistant to what you are sharing, follow up with statements like "What might you suggest instead?". By generating ideas together, you are more likely to find a solution that satisfies both of you.
β Acknowledge valid points: Recognize and validate the other personβs valid points and contributions. For example, saying, "You make a good point about the deadline concerns," demonstrates that you value their input and are willing to consider their perspective. Often, conflict resolution requires compromise so focusing on the points you can agree to will give you the needed runway to push on the points that truly need more discussion or alignment.
β Focus on interests, not positions: Concentrate on the underlying interests rather than the specific positions of those you are speaking with. For example, instead of arguing over whether a deadline should be extended, explore the reasons behind the request, such as ensuring quality work or managing workload. Understanding the interests can lead to creative solutions that address the needs of both parties.
How will you choose to communicate through conflict?
Conflict is bound to happen, but it does not have to be a source of stress or division. By adopting effective strategies like active listening, assertive communication, and finding common ground, you can turn conflicts into opportunities for growth, innovation, and stronger relationships. These skills not only help resolve immediate issues but also contribute to a more positive work environment. The goal is not to avoid conflict, but to handle it with confidence, transforming friction and confrontation into openness and collaboration.
You've got this!
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This week's mission is aimed at helping you communicate through conflict. Leverage the below prompts and action steps to elevate your communication skills in conflict-oriented situations. This will allow you to build more trust, collaboration and win-win solutions despite challenging contexts you face with others.
1/ Reflect on past conflicts:
- Identify a recent conflict you experienced at work. Reflect on how you handled it and consider what you could have done differently using the strategies discussed above. Write down your thoughts.
- Share your reflections with a trusted colleague or mentor and ask for their feedback. Discuss how you might approach similar situations in the future with a focus on active listening, assertive communication, and finding common ground.
2/ Practice active listening:
- In your next meeting or conversation, make a conscious effort to practice active listening. Maintain eye contact, avoid interrupting, and reflect back what the other person is saying. Take note of any changes in the dynamics of the conversation.
- Ask open-ended questions to encourage deeper dialogue. Focus on acknowledging and validating the emotions of the other person. Observe how this approach impacts the outcome of the conversation and your relationship with the other person.
3/ Implement assertive communication and find common ground:
- Use "I" statements and be specific when expressing your thoughts and feelings in your next conflict situation. Maintain a calm tone and respect boundaries, aiming to keep the conversation focused on the issue at hand.
- Actively seek to find common ground by identifying shared goals and using inclusive language. Invite the other person to brainstorm solutions with you and focus on interests rather than positions.