Peak Performers by Tiffany Uman

How to deal with toxic coworkers

November 27, 2023

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No one ever said navigating your workplace would be easy.

At the same time, the people you work with daily, in large part, impact your motivation and commitment levels greatly.

The complexities of the workplace can become a major challenge, and often create setbacks in your career growth, especially when faced with the daunting presence of toxic coworkers.

Peak performers recognize quickly the disruptive influence that such individuals pose and act accordingly to protect their goals and career.

Toxic dynamics characterized by behaviours like undermining, negativity, or outright hostility, will not only impede your personal growth but also severely impact team morale and productivity.

On top of that, toxicity in the workplace is not always overt; it can manifest in subtle ways, from passive-aggressive comments to the erosion of trust and collaboration, often making it even more challenging to address and resolve.

You must gatekeep your mindset and confidence to avoid this getting the best of you. You cannot always control how others behave but you can control how you choose to react.

"I will not allow anyone to walk in my mind with dirty feet." - Gandhi

In my 13+ years in corporate working for L'Oréal, I certainly had my fair share of toxic coworkers. That said, you come to realize that their behaviours are a function of their own insecurities that spill onto others more than anything to do with you as a person.

By enhancing your awareness and equipping you with robust coping mechanisms, you will feel empowered to not only safeguard your well-being and performance, but also contribute positively to creating a healthier, more supportive work environment.

Here's how.

Toxic behaviours to look out for.

Encountering toxic coworkers is unfortunately quite common.

This only further increases the importance of recognizing and understanding the key characteristics of such toxic behaviour so it does not stand in the way of your potential and success.

With that in mind, here are 5 critical watch-outs to help you identify and navigate around the pitfalls of working with toxic coworkers:

→ Subtle undermining: One of the most insidious forms of toxicity is the subtle undermining of your efforts and achievements. This can manifest as backhanded compliments, non-constructive criticism, or downplaying your successes. It is crucial to recognize these tactics as they can gradually erode your confidence and professional standing; always remember that it is up to you to control that narrative.

→ Manipulative communication: Toxic coworkers often resort to manipulative communication strategies like gaslighting, where they deny or twist facts, or guilt-tripping to impose their will or shift blame onto you. These tactics can be confusing and emotionally draining, impacting your decision-making and sense of reality. It also creates drama and tension that magnifies an already uncomfortable situation.

→ Exclusive cliques and gossiping: Creating exclusive cliques and engaging in gossip are common toxic behaviours. Such actions breed a culture of mistrust and isolate individuals or groups, disrupting team unity and collaboration. Being aware of these behaviours helps in maintaining professional distance and not getting embroiled in office politics. It is key to recognize whether these behaviours are done at an individual or team level versus conduct that is enabled by leadership.

→ Aggressive or bullying behaviour: More overt forms of toxicity include aggression, bullying, or intimidation. Recognizing and addressing this early is critical for maintaining a safe and respectful workplace. It is also an important moment to remind yourself of your core values and whether this organization, and the people within it, align with what matters to you.

→ Resisting change and innovation: Toxic coworkers may resist new ideas or changes that threaten their comfort zone or minimize their relevance. This resistance can manifest as constant negativity, unwarranted criticism of new ideas, or passive resistance to change. Such behaviour stifles growth and innovation, and recognizing it allows you to strategize effectively to overcome these obstacles with facts instead of emotions.

3 strategies to overcome toxic coworkers

1/ Establish strong personal boundaries

When dealing with toxic coworkers, setting clear personal boundaries is essential in maintaining your sanity, integrity, well-being and self-respect. This also helps in defining what you are willing to tolerate in your interactions with others.

Without boundaries, it becomes extremely difficult to stand up for yourself and respond with integrity. You want to remain in control of the narrative and ensure you do not stoop to toxic coworkers' lows that risks compromising your own character. They do not deserve to take that away from you, nor do you want to give them that power over you.

Peak performers leverage boundaries as a first line of defense against toxic behaviours that undermine their confidence, productivity, and happiness at work.

By setting these boundaries, you will assert your expectations which can dissuade toxic coworkers from targeting you further.

Here are 4 shifts to move you in the right direction:

→ Define your limits: What behaviours are unacceptable to you? What situations do you want to remove yourself from? What are you willing to accept? What would make you uncomfortable? What would make you feel unsafe? What types of statements would cross the line for you? Take the time to truly reflect on this and use it as your guiding roadmap with toxic coworkers.

→ Communicate boundaries clearly: Use clear and direct language. For example: "This is not something I want to engage in." Do not be shy in speaking your mind and letting them know where you stand, otherwise they will take advantage of the situation repeatedly and make it harder for you to hold your ground.

For example, if they make an inappropriate joke or comment, respond with a statement like "I find that comment inappropriate. I'd appreciate if you didn't make these kinds of remarks moving forward." These examples not only demonstrate your boundaries but also reinforce them through consistent action, which is essential in a challenging work environment.

→ Consistently enforce your boundaries: You must remain firm on this and not get swayed by the situation. Seek additional support if needed if the situation escalates by involving your boss or other leaders in the organization. Do not rely on others to reinforce your boundaries on your behalf. This is for you to do and you alone. Learning to fight your own battles effectively builds the needed resilience to tackle difficult people and situations at every stage of your career.

→ Disengage: Toxic coworkers thrive off reactions they get out of you stemming from their behaviours. Do not give them that satisfaction. The less you engage, the less attention they will put towards it and shift focus elsewhere. It may sound counterintuitive but it diffuses the energy that would otherwise fuel their behaviour further. This will not change who they are but will lead them to redirect their energy elsewhere.

2/ Assertive communication and conflict resolution

Communication is key in diffusing tension and resolving conflicts with toxic colleagues. In fact, assertive communication can turn confrontational situations into constructive dialogues when done right.

That said, it requires a balanced approach that stands in contrast to passive or aggressive communication styles that often exacerbate conflicts or allow resentment to build.

Assertive communication serves as a powerful tool that empowers you to stand up for yourself without infringing on others' rights, helping to create a respectful and harmonious workplace. Moreover, effective conflict resolution is essential in addressing issues head-on instead of leaving them to fester where they become bigger than needed.

Here are 4 tactics to help you with this:

→ Practice active listening: Listen to understand, not just to respond. This helps in addressing the real issues with your toxic coworkers. Often, their behaviours stem from a place of anger, frustration, jealousy or resentment. Connecting with them and demonstrating empathy to understand why they are the way they are can lead to important breakthrough moments for the both of you in a way they are not used to.

→ Use "I" statements: Frame your responses in a way that focuses on your feelings rather than accusing the other person.

For example, "I have found that this type of tone in our conversations creates a lot of unnecessary tension and anxiety instead of one that is helpful towards one another for our project."
Here's another example. Rather than saying "You're always so negative," reframe it as "I've noticed some negativity in your recent comments. Is there something bothering you that we can address together?". If you come at your coworker with "you" statements, they will feel immediately attacked and become hyper-defensive which will only make matters worst.

→ Stay calm and composed: Maintain your composure during confrontations and avoid getting emotionally triggered. This is what your toxic coworkers want out - you must rise above. Counter with statements that throw them off and put them back in their place.

For example, "can you repeat that?". This question is an excellent one as it forces the person to repeat what they just said; they are likely to put less energy into repeating themselves a second time.
Another example can be "what makes you say that?", which leads them to justify what they shared that is likely founded on nonsensical emotion instead of facts.

→ Seek mediation if necessary: In situations where direct communication fails, seek a neutral stakeholder to step in. Ultimately, you want to resolve as much as you can on your own instead of venting or complaining to others in your company. That will only add more fuel to the fire.

However, if your toxic coworker is actually impeding your work, reputation and progress despite your proactive efforts, this is where additional support is key to protect yourself.

Pro tip: Document exchanges and conversations with your toxic coworkers to have clear paper trails that may be used as backup if needed. This can help highlight patterns of behaviour that support your case in the eyes of your boss and HR.

3/ Build a positive support network

A strong support network, within the workplace, provides a necessary buffer against the negative impacts caused by toxic coworkers.

A supportive network of advocates serve as needed allies who recognize your work ethic, integrity and character because they know who you are, despite toxic behaviours you may be navigating.

In the face of adversity, a strong support system can offer alternative perspectives, emotional encouragement, and practical advice, helping you navigate challenging situations more effectively.

It is not just about having people to vent to; a positive support network can reinforce your sense of self-worth, validate your experiences, and remind you of your strengths and capabilities.

This support is invaluable in maintaining your resilience and well-being in a toxic work atmosphere. Moreover, it fosters a sense of belonging and community.

To build a positive support network effectively, start by:

→ Identifying allies at work: These are colleagues, peers or leaders who share similar values, work ethics, and perhaps have faced similar challenges. Regular coffee chats or lunch meetings with these individuals can help in fostering stronger 1:1 relationships.

→ Participating in team-building activities: This will strengthen bonds with supportive colleagues and allow you to form stronger connections with those who align with your values. It is also a great opportunity to be seen, and recognized, by others who can defend you in times of challenge and advocate on your behalf.

→ Seeking a mentor at work: This should be someone you look up to, admire and respect. A mentor, especially someone who has navigated similar challenges, can offer guidance, support, and advice based on their own experiences. They can also provide a particularly relevant perspective on your situation and help in strategizing solutions.

Important caution: As important as mentors may be in your career, use discretion on what you share; after all, you never know whether what you say remains confidential. This is particularly key if your mentor is within your existing company.

[This is precisely the reason why I created my Inevitable Success mentorship program where I serve you as a mentor by teaching you proven, best practices having been in the trenches myself, knowing exactly what it's like to be in your shoes - learn more here].

What will you do to overcome toxic coworkers?

Navigating the challenges posed by toxic coworkers requires a balanced approach of assertiveness, effective communication, and the cultivation of a supportive network.

By setting clear boundaries, engaging in constructive dialogue, and building strong relationships, you can mitigate the negative effects of these toxic behaviours and maintain a healthy work environment. Remember, your well-being and professional growth are paramount, and managing these relationships effectively is key to thriving in your career.

You've got this!

This week's mission is aimed at helping you to rise above toxic coworkers. These reflections are designed to put you in the driver's seat and feel more in control of your situation. Your mission is to turn these reflections into actionable insights that you can adopt in your day-to-day work environment and set you up for success.

1/ Reflect and apply:

Define your limits using the guiding questions shared in today's newsletter.
Draft 1-3 clear statements you will be able to use to state your boundaries clearly.
Practice disengaging with your toxic coworkers to diffuse the emotional reactions you otherwise would have. At the end of the week, take note of the shifts and improvements you notice.

2/ Prepare for assertive communication

Gain practice in using "I" statements when faced with conflict.
Practice active listening to build more understanding of your colleagues and why they are the way they are.
Draft 1-3 statements that will allow you to remain calm and composed in heated moments. Use the examples in today's newsletter as inspiration.

3/ Refine your support network:

Outline 3-5 internal allies you want to better establish.
Take intentional efforts to nurture these relationships so they can attest to your character and integrity in times of challenge and toxicity.

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