Peak Performers by Tiffany Uman

How to rise above toxic bosses

August 21, 2023

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Here are a few things that you may have missed last week:

Peak Performers newsletter: Reputation: make or break your ascent.

My new free LinkedIn Learning nano-course: Nano Tips for Handling Difficult Work Situations.

My latest CareerTALKS Real Talk podcast episode with Orlando Haynes: Heat Up Your Networking.

Toxic bosses do a lot of damage.

That is to say, they are often unequipped to manage people effectively, resulting in premature turnover of amazing talent. Toxic bosses, while they may be functionally capable within their own roles, more often than not lack true leadership qualities. In turn, far too many organizations fail to recognize the unfortunate impact that these individuals have on morale and performance.

Virtually everyone I have coached has experienced some form of workplace toxicity; this goes to show how inescapable of an issue this is. However, I have also come to learn how the elite overcome this burden.

Peak performers don't escape these types of managers. Instead, they distinguish themselves by how they react to toxic bosses.

Mastering how you respond is especially important considering that most bad managers' behaviours stem from their own insecurities that are projected onto you.

Peak performers don't allow such negative projections to impede on their pursuit to greatness. They adapt to, and triumph over, the challenges posed by toxic bosses, by cultivating resilience, adaptability and emerging stronger than ever.

"Choose not to be harmed — and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed — and you haven’t been.” - Marcus Aurelius

I recently caught up with one of my top 1% clients who I had supported in overcoming 8 years of enduring a toxic boss. What I share in today's newsletter are some of the exact strategies I coached her on to rebuild her confidence and land her dream job as a Chief Marketing Officer.

So if you are currently struggling with a toxic boss or find it difficult to overcome the lingering effects that still weigh on you today from a past experience, it's time to turn that adversity into opportunity.

Here's how.

Audit your environment

Navigating a challenging environment begins by assessing the extent of the toxicity that invades your workplace. Only in doing so can you effectively plan a course of action that best suits your interests.

→ Is the toxicity limited to just your specific boss while you observe other leaders in your organization who are much more effective, inspiring and motivating?

or rather,

→ Do you notice a clear pattern of toxicity across teams and departments, likely suggesting that the problem comes from the top?

Deciphering between these two environmental contexts is crucial.

Next, you must outline the type of toxic behaviours you experience to determine whether you can realistically drive change in these situations or rather, face constant resistance altogether. For example:

→ Behaviours such as micro-management, while unpleasant, can by-and-large be overcome successfully through effective communication strategies.

→ Behaviours that exude nepotism, narcissism, favouritism, harassment, gaslighting or outright sabotage, that are either deeply routed in the character of a singular individual - or worse an entire organization - are often signs that a change (by you) is needed.

And so the choices available to you are either:

Identify the type of boss you have, determine how you can effectively push through and build the needed resilience to overcome difficult personalities and management styles; or
Assess whether a move to a new team or organization altogether will allow you to bring out your best self.

The key is recognizing that things won't magically improve on their own. Intentional action by you is needed one way or another.

Reclaim your power

The lasting effects of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) caused by a toxic boss or organization are real; they leave lasting scars and may dramatically lower your self-confidence in ways such as:

Intrusive thoughts
Anxiety and being on edge
Questioning yourself
Vivid flashbacks
Second-guessing your work
Being shy to make your voice heard
Hyper vigilance
Doubting your self-worth
Holding back on opportunities
Feeling less than qualified

These undesirable consequences are detrimental to breakthrough as a top 1% talent.

As a peak performer, recognizing and addressing these effects are vital to regain control of a strong sense of self and the needed confidence to thrive.

Here's 3 steps you can take right now to reclaim what is yours.

→ Reframe the narrative: Instead of focusing solely on the negative effects from this toxic experience, identify your strengths, character traits and accomplishments that arose from the adversity, helping you shift from victimhood (this happened to me) to survivor (how I choose to move forward).

→ Set new boundaries: Establish and maintain clear boundaries in your current and future work environments. Be clear on what you're not willing to tolerate, and establish a two-way line of communication with your current boss so he/she understands what you need to feel best supported by him/her. Ensure that your personal well-being is a non-negotiable aspect of your professional life.

→ Define your goals: Set achievable goals that align with your passions and aspirations. Focusing on the pursuit of your future accomplishments can create a positive, empowering trajectory that will reduce the power that your toxic past experiences hold over you.

Remember, your past can only dictate your future if you let it.

3 strategies to overcome toxic bosses

1/ Master emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the cornerstone of a peak performer's toolkit when it comes to dealing with toxic bosses. Managing your own emotions, as well as understanding and empathizing with others', will allow you to maintain a high level of self-control even in the most trying of situations.

→ Self-awareness: Identify common emotional triggers and how they impact you. By recognizing recurring emotional responses that fail to serve you beneficially, you can instead pause and choose more constructive ways to react. Take the time to compose yourself and offer solutions that serve both you and your boss' interests.

Example: Your boss often takes credit for your work. Highlight how extremely demotivating and frustrating this is for you. Cite specific situations in detail and provide irrefutable facts. Propose an alternative approach of how you would have preferred he/she handle it. Help him/her to see that "what's in it for them" in supporting you > the path that he/she previously chose.

→ Empathy: Imagine yourself in your toxic boss' shoes. Try to understand the motivations, insecurities and pressures placed upon him/her. As irritating as this may be, the perspective shift will help you manage conflicts far more effectively by responding in ways that diffuse tension (in the eyes of those you wish to influence).

Example: Your boss is a micro-manager stemming from a need for control. Knowing this, incorporate more regular touch-bases on key projects to keep him/her looped in on your terms, not the other way around. This, in turn, will build greater trust in you and start to release his/her need for total control.

→ Communication: Use non-confrontational communication techniques. Express your viewpoints calmly and professionally with your boss, focusing on the impact of his/her behaviour on productivity and team morale. Staying silent typically makes matters worse and won't lead to positive change.

Example: Your boss is blocking your promotion because they feel threatened by you. Help him/her perceive that your growth within the organization would fundamentally reflect positively on him/her as an effective manager capable of nurturing and promoting talent from within.

Perfecting the art of emotional intelligence will allow you to wield the ability to subtly influence your toxic boss or any challenging manager in ways that ultimately play in your favour.

2/ Cultivate resilience

Resilience is the backbone of peak performers, especially when dealing with toxic bosses who constantly challenge your patience, motivation and values.

Building resilience requires mental and emotional courage, and these steps can help you foster it:

→ Mindset shift: View challenges as opportunities for growth. The hurdles that are placed upon you by a toxic boss are chances to live your values, to develop new skills and to reinforce your problem-solving abilities.

→ Self-care: Prioritize your well-being. Proper sleep, regular exercise, mindful meditation and a healthy work-life balance will provide the necessary buffer against the stress that accompanies a difficult manager or problematic workplace.

→ Support network: Cultivate a network of mentors, colleagues, friends and family who can offer you guidance, empathy and a fresh perspective as you navigate toxic environments. Working with a coach will also help you reach your desired outcomes faster, while providing the necessary support and accountability to get you there. Sharing your experiences with others can remind you that you're not alone in your struggles.

You grow through what you go through. Crossing the turbulent "waters" of a corporate career - toxic bosses and tricky politics - while arguably demanding, can allow you to build the required thick skin to climb towards the summit of your career.

3/ Navigate strategically

Successfully navigating a toxic work environment often requires strategic decision-making and intentional boundaries-setting. Live your values everyday, be clear on what matters most to you and in doing so, become the person and professional you want to be. Nobody can take that away from you.

→ Pick your battles: Not every disagreement is worth engaging in. Learn to distinguish between situations that warrant a response and those that burden your own peace of mind. If the situation runs the risk of tarnishing your professional reputation, perception or relationships with other stakeholders, you must address it head on.

→ Document and escalate: Keep a record of any toxic behaviour that directly affects your work, especially if it makes you feel uncomfortable or worse, unsafe. Documenting such circumstances as they occur is helpful in the event that you need to escalate the situation within your organization or more seriously, consider legal action. It also protects you by highlighting undeniable, relevant facts that clearly show a recurring, pattern of unacceptable behaviours vs. one-time occurrences.

→ Set the right boundaries: Clearly define limits that relate to your responsibilities, workload and behaviours that you deem appropriate. Communicate these boundaries respectfully but firmly, and enforce them as necessary. If your well-being has been shaken profoundly, consider that a more substantial change may be needed. Prioritize your mental health; after all, our goal is to show up as our best selves.

→ Know when to walk away: Get crystal clear on your core values and protect them decisively. Walk away when the toxicity begins to chip away at your life's principles, when you feel an unshakable tension between who you aspire to be and what that same toxicity has made you become. Doing so is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of fearlessness, of endurance, of belief in yourself.

How will you choose to move forward?

Toxic bosses and oppressive workplaces are unfortunately widespread. This harsh truth must be faced courageously, rooted in a strong belief in who you are and the values you hold.

Remember, the climb to the top 1% is paved with unforeseen and uncomfortable challenges that will test the very best of you. How you choose to respond will determine whether you rise and reach your summit or are left playing small.

You've got this!

This week's mission is grounded in practical steps to take control back of your career from toxic bosses. Dedicate uninterrupted time for this and record yourself answering the questions below.

1/ If you're currently dealing with a toxic boss:

Write down the exact toxic behaviours you're experiencing from your boss (i.e. micro-management).
For each behaviour, write down 1 action step or coping strategy to soften the impact of your boss' toxicity on your mindset.
Reflect on whether these behaviours are limited to your boss or widespread across the organization. This will determine the options available to you to move forward more effectively to become a peak performer.

2/ If you're struggling with PTSD from a past toxic boss experience:

List out how this trauma is manifesting itself in your current work (i.e. not speaking up, doubting yourself, etc...).
For each point above, ask yourself whether these lingering effects stem from either fear/concern that past habits will repeat themselves, or rather, if your current boss is reinforcing these same traumas?
From here, outline 1 core action step to take back control of your career and confidence inspired by the strategies in today's newsletter.

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